You, your conference panel proposals, and you. And me. And a few grad students.

Next week, I’m doing a workshop for grad students on the rhetorical art of conferencing. Specifically, how to put a panel together in a way that says “I’m a professional!” and not so much “I’m a grad student!” (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a grad student, of course. I myself have been known to be a grad student at times.)

I am going to put together a nice little spiel, and I’ll happily share it here. However, I’d like to show grad students some “real world” panel proposals. If you wouldn’t mind sharing your past successful proposals, please send me an email (ricejh @ missouri. edu).  Thank you in advance.

Sometimes in class . . .

Sometimes in class I tell a story that I think is very, very funny.

And nobody laughs.

On giving breaks

I really, really, really believe Sarah Palin is possibly the worst VP candidate ever. It’s not like you need me to point out why this is the case. Check the internets for details.

I spent some time tonight reading about the latest Palin conspiracy regarding her baby/grandbaby.  It’s a juicy story, and I do love a good conspiracy when they involve rightwing nutcases who think it’s good to shoot polar bears and teach kids that God created the earth a few thousand years ago. However, this babygate thing is sort of off-limits for me. Maybe she is covering up for her teenage kid, or maybe she really showed some bizarre choices as a mother-to-be.

My feeling is this: Who gives a shit? Have you ever raised a kid? It ain’t too easy. At 3 am, it doesn’t really matter whether you birthed the kid yourself or not. You have to feed, love, and worry about this kid. So, I guess I’d like to see Palin given a break on this issue. Believe me, there are 1000 other issues that she should be slammed for. But this ain’t one of them.

The bottom line is that Palin is another anti-intellectual running for the executive position.

Palin (see: WTF?)

Another gem:

Sen. McCain, of all the candidates you considered, what drew you to her?
JOHN: Obviously, I found her to be very intelligent and very well-versed on the issues. But I think the important thing was that she’s a reformer. She’s taken on special interests since she ran for the PTA and the city council and mayor. The courage, I guess, is what most impressed me.

The courage to take on a small town’s PTA. Makes sense to me. Bring on international diplomacy!

Networks and life

Remember this post about Marc Santos’ sweet daughter, who is living through chemo just days after her first birthday? Get ready for a total Oprah moment. Actually, get ready to be amazed by networks and contingency.

Rowen’s story was picked up by several news outlets, including the BBC.  Read the story. It is stunning to think about the contingencies that Marc and Meg went through. Meg joined one of those online groups for mothers who have kids around the same age. (I sort of drop in on those boards from time to time when I feel the need to obsess about whether V is more or less advanced.) But Meg is probably much nicer than I am, and she made some friends through the chatroom.  So, of course, Meg posts some pictures of Rowan on the site. That’s what mothers do in mother chatrooms: they share pictures of their kids.

But one of the mothers in the chatroom notices a strange shadow in one of Rowan’s eyes. It just so happens that this woman had just read an article about how this very symptom (two different eye reflections in digital pictures) might indicate something troubling. This woman (who lives in the UK, btw) emailed Meg to tell her that she might want to check this out. Meg and Marc went to the doctor immediately and found out that Rowan has a tumor in her eye. If they had waited much longer, it would have spread.

At the risk of sounding like I’m speaking from a (rather obvious) soapbox, I’d  like to send this story to every one of those people who tell us that the net is ruining community, making our lives so much worse, blah blah blah. One of these gasbags was talking on the Diane Rehm show just today. These online spaces create different kinds of communities, and different forms of life-together. In Rowan’s case, it saved her life. I cannot get over that. It saved her life. A silly, fun, time-wasting  space like an online moms message board saved Rowan’s life.

If Oprah doesn’t pick up this story, then she’s a big phony. And just consider sending Marc and Meg a couple of bucks. They are paying for this out of their pockets. Imagine how you would feel. How would you pay for this? I mean, seriously. How would you pay for hotel rooms, bloated deductibles, travel from Tampa to Miami, and other expenses I can’t even dream up? I would be (excuse my language) fucked.  So, if you have a ten or twenty that you can part with, send it to Rowan’s trust account.

Please consider sending a donation of ANY amount to help defray these considerable expenses. Checks can be made payable to Rowan or Marc Santos and mailed to:

SunTrust Bank, Tampa Bay
Attention Customer Service
2208 East Fowler Ave
Tampa, Fl 33612

In the memo line of the check, *please include the account number: 1000074628628* (four zeros after that first 1).

Do you recognize this breakdown?

If you have ever parented a child, please please please give me your thoughts.  Here are the facts as I see them:

A fifteen-month old girl is having a fine time. Playing, looking at books, pulling the cat’s tale, etc. Next thing you know, she is having a full-blown tantrum. I can’t draw a picture, but imagine a little child rolling on the floor and screaming at the top of her lungs. She points to things, but then she screams when you hand them to her. She flops herself, almost like a self-bodyslam. If you pick her up, it will be screaming. If you walk away, it will be screaming.

What happend? Nothing. Nada. Nichts. Pick your language, it’s all the same. There was no tantrum catalyst. Nothing that would make a normal toddler cry. No tantrum inducing negotiations that ended with me saying “No, you can’t have the butcher knife” and her screaming. Nothing like that. It’s just a tantrum for the hell of it.

Is this a normal thing? I don’t get it. What’s the keyword I should search for in the indexes to all my stupid parenting books? Is it not normal? Should I be hiring a baby psychologist?

I mean, seriously. What is up with babies?

Class, Food, and Germs

The last term in my title comes from the current state of affairs in the Rice house: germy. Poor little V is having a terrible time with her fever. I wish I could take on her fever in order to make her feel better. Bah humbug.

For some reason, I also decided to write into Whole Foods headquarters in order to make a “location request” for a Columbia Whole Foods. Makes sense, right? What else do you do when you’re sick and the semester begins in just a few days. Obviously WF deals with this kind of request all the time, because they have a special page devoted to this issue.

What surprised me, though, was their guidelines for a WF location:

• 200,000 people or more in a 20 minute drive time
• 40,000–75,000 Square Feet
• Large number of college-educated residents
• Abundant parking available for our exclusive use
• Stand alone preferred, would consider complementary
• Easy access from roadways, lighted intersection
• Excellent visibility, directly off of the street
• Must be located in a high traffic area (foot and/or vehicle)

Hmm. Large number of college-educated residents. For some reason, I stuck on that one. Is WF worried about “slumming” in less-educated areas? Is it the fact that they know less-educated people tend to be poorer, which equals less money for dropping on organic jelly that is a weeeeee bit overpriced? Is their business model something like: Stay White, and It’ll Be Alright?

If it is, then fine. Their business. But all the stuff about “community” that sustains the WF literature now looks a bit more like a wink-wink-nudge kinda thing. Come on, man. Don’t make me take up a cliche, hackneyed rant against consumerism when I’m feeling so sick. This shit ain’t right.

My New Faculty Photo

Only outdone by my spouse’s newest faculty photo.

V’s imaginary yearbook pictures

Via Yearbookyourself.

Marathon with me!

One of my dreams is to run a marathon. Unfortunately, my post-baby body fights me like a stubborn mule. So I’m strongly considering walking a marathon, which will hopefully be a little more attainable for a 6-month training goal. I’ve always wanted to participate in the Motorola Marathon, which is in Austin every February.

Is there anyone who would be willing to join me in the walking marathon this February? It’s a 7-hour finish time, which demands a 16-minute/mile pace. Trust me: 26.2 miles at 16 min/mile isn’t for wimps!

This would be a dream come true for me, and I really want a partner. The registration is $100, so it would be a commitment right off the bat. If you’re interested, let’s talk!